The meaning of life scripts

According to cognitive psychology, each of us has a life script or schema - whether we are aware of it or not. A life script is another way of describing the meaning we attribute to the events that happen to us. Depending on our particular script, we can interpret an event in a number of different ways.

Psychologists believe that our life scripts are usually created in childhood. Understanding our particular script can help us to see how it might be influencing our thoughts, and may help us to come up with more positive thoughts and actions.

Your life script is individual to you, but many follow a common theme. To uncover your own life script, it helps to explore the patterns in your life - particularly if you suspect that there are destructive themes in your script.

'People always leave me'

This is the fear that we will always be abandoned by those we love, no matter what we do. We anticipate being left, perhaps because of misfortune, illness, or someone better coming along. Because of this, we act defensively, and may try to drive people away, to pre-empt their desertion.

Could this be you?

You wait for invitations rather than invite people to events, as proof of your popularity.

You get jealous very easily, and invent reasons for arguments, to test people's love.

'I always put other people first'

The desire to look after others and subjugate our needs and desires to theirs. This may arise from guilt over feeling selfish, or the need to be connected to those we perceive as helpless. Often results in resentment towards others.

Could this be you?

You go out of your way to do favours for other people.

You feel that you are more generous than the people around you.

'I'm not good enough'

The belief that we are somehow inferior or defective, and that one day we will be exposed as such. This may cause us to become overly sensitive to criticism or comparison, and we may take any perceived rejection as confirmation of our failings.

Could this be you?

You self-sabotage, creating excuses for your anticipated failure.

You avoid competitive situations - even playing board games or sports - because you fear coming last.

'I can't do it on my own'

The assertion that we are too weak, or not intelligent enough to perform everyday duties without help. Often leads to dependency in relationships.

Could this be you?

You're attracted to people who you see as being stronger than you are.

You're the first to admit that you lack common sense, or that you're hopeless around the house.

'Bad things happen to me more than they do to other people'

May result in an exaggerated fear of disaster and a belief that we are particularly vulnerable to things such as attack or disease. Often characterised by excessive worry and strong feelings of helplessness.

Could this be you?

You find it easy to imagine the worst possible outcome.

You have regularly been accused of being overly cautious and protective.

'I deserve this'

The belief that we are in some way superior to other people and that we are therefore entitled to more. May also lead to the assertion that we should be allowed to do whatever we want, and a lack of empathy for others.

Could this be you?

You feel that other people don't recognise your talents or abilities.

You suspect that others are holding you back.

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